Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Take a closer look at your life scenario!



We live certain life scenarios, but until we see it clearly, we don't see what's ruling our psyche automatically, we can't look at it honestly, we think it's not relevant to us, maybe it's true for others, but not for us. This is the case with many people, and hiding behind awakening is a great way to avoid seeing anything not wanted to be seeing. It serves as a shield from looking deeper into one's own programming. But sooner or later we all have to look at our dirty clothes. We all have them, some admit it honestly, and get a closer look, and some are blind to it themselves, but it is obvious to everyone else around.  

Awakening also may facilitate an honest look at one's lived life scenarios. There is much more space now to hold and look at any clothes that does not fit us anymore, outdated, or everyday wear that needs to be sent to Salvation Army instead of keeping it in a wardrobe.  

Have a closer look on your everyday life. Do you do what you don't love and keep telling yourself the same excuse why you must keep doing it? Are you in an unsatisfactory relationship and you keep telling yourself same excuse why you must keep it going? Are your children almost repeat the same circumstances and dynamics, just different setting, different people involved, or your life remind you your parents life, even though you really tried to live differently? Do you avoid confrontations and slide into a Mr. nice most of the times explaining it to yourself as being peaceful and loving?

There are many clues to look at our lives circumstances without any stigma, especially after awakening! More freedom, more naturalness, less fear, just pure curiosity and intention for liberation.

This is all we need when we sort that old garb.



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Monday, August 21, 2017

We are not getting older!


I wrote this story recently, recalling the experience of Awakening. I would call this experience also a spontaneous direct introduction to the natural state of being.  These experiences does happen to many, especially in a childhood, but we forget. The mind, coming back to it's usual everyday contraction from such an experience, forgets it completely, especially if we were very young.

If these experiences happen to us spontaneously when we are adults, without proper preparation, mind doesn't know how to interpret it, and it only can assign the meaning it knows: "Wow, I had an amazing trip!"

The experience of the natural state of being happens beyond the usual dwelling of the conceptual mind, which does not have any access to the wisdom of the expansion, therefore all the interpretations by conceptual mind would be at best, incomplete, undervalued, or in a contrary overly emphasized, and in both cases not assimilated properly. I will take you in my story into some of the experiences and try to point to the essence of it.  It may facilitate some remembrance in you, and maybe integration of the similar experiences, or you might simply enjoy the story.


I was in a silent retreat, and most of the days we were sitting in meditation. It was 2009 and I was 42 y.o.  I was 15 years into spiritual search, and I was on a peak of the intensity of the seeking. I left Gurdjieff way and Vipassana meditation behind, and was trying something else.  A teacher named Adyashanti caught my attention, and I ended up in his week long retreat in Omega Institute.

After the mind settled in the first couple of meditations I introduced it to a series of questions.
  “Where is the leg?”, I asked innerly, and I found myself looking at the leg.  “Where is the hand?”, I asked again and found myself looking at the hand.  Surely as the question was asked, the attention went there. “Where is I?”, I asked.  Suddenly, the I who was asking the questions, was gone. The attention pointed me back to myself.  My body was sitting on the cushion, and looking around, and I was everything that sees.  


The state of being aware, cognizant, but not being bound to a character, continued several days. During those days I was meditating, walking in the forest as usual, and o
n one of those walks I experienced very peculiar happening.

There is a story of Buddha’s awakening under the Bodhi tree. The story says that at one point the special faculty of the mind arose in him where he remembered all the lifetimes he ever lived. I didn’t have such an experience, but somewhat similar to it: all the instances of the same mind state of pure awareness, Presence, that I experienced in this lifetime, but forgot, were brought up now as clear visions, one after another.

The scene in an airplane came as a vision, in the identical mind state. I was a baby, I myself don’t know how old I was, and I can’t ask my mom, she died many years ago. But I was definitely younger then 2 y.o, because I remember myself in a crib on an airplane.  The bassinets for babies, little cribs that airline provides have restrictions on the age and weight of the child.  I looked it up, and for some airlines it’s 6 months, 12 months, the oldest age restriction I found for American Airlines is 2 years old.  We were flying on the old Russian aircraft Tu-134, probably their age restriction was on a lower range.  I now assume I was around 1 year old.


We were flying from Kamchatka, the most eastern peninsula of Russia to a Russian capital Moscow.  The flight was very long, and I was sick.  All this my mom told me later. At that time I didn’t know any of it. I was simply looking up, as a baby would.  And now, 41 years later I was recalling what I actually saw. I wasn't a baby. I was looking at my body in a crib in dimmed lights. I was not a baby in a crib, I was aware of a baby in a crib and I was aware of everything.  I was pure unbound awareness in which all these images were taking place. 

After this vision on airplane, still walking in the forest in a retreat, I experienced next instance of a similar mind state.  It was in a hospital this time. I woke up in a delirium. Same state of Awareness, looking: the bleak hospital room, the body laying in bed, under the white cotton sheet that was soaking wet from the sweat. The ill girl was 5.  There were neon lights on some apparatus over the body, and a transparent tube going to the small white arm. Then there was a needle going into the arm, held by white mesh bandage wrapped around it.  As soon as a needle appeared in awareness, the fear arose in that space, and immediately a body reflex jerked the hand.  The needle cut the little arm and red color flooded the scene, soaking the white bandage with blood.  This scene of blood over the hand and a feeling of fear contracted awareness back into the body.  Spaciousness and awareness just a second ago became the form of a little girl with a sharp pain in her arm.

While I was still walking in the forest, several experiences floated to the surface of the mind, completely taking me for a vision ride, as soon as I was done with one vision, the other one would change it. I will describe one more of them. Now I was in my early 30th, in a Gurdjieff Way retreat they call “work period”.  As a part of the retreat there were special dances called sacred movements.  This was my first work period, I never done these movements before. I was totally lost with steps, trying to follow everyone else.  The movements were very complicated, and I didn’t feel anything else besides tension and pressure to hurry up with making movements, since I was trying to get at least something right, following legs and arms of people in a row prior to where I was, the last row on the back of the room of all beginners to this practice.  I was totally uncoordinated, and making one movement with one hand and another with another hand, while making also specific steps, was too complicated.  I couldn't even get the directions “left” and “right” right, so I was failing miserably.  Next movement was dervish whirling - a dance from the Mevlevi Sufi order, originated in the 13th century.  After the ordeal with complicated steps whirling came as a rescuer!  There were no steps to learn, no gestures to coordinate, just spin around yourself with your hands open to the sides like two wings.  

As soon as I started to move around myself,  I found myself looking at the whirling body, seeing the flow of fabric making circles, seeing other fabric circles around, the room, the music.  I was a space where the whirling was taking place. Presence. Suddenly in that space of Presence along with the music and movement of the body arose a feeling of compassion to all human beings, who are trying hard in life, just like I was minutes ago trying to follow everybody in a complicated movement.  As soon as feeling arose in the space, I immediately found myself back into the body.  The feeling of compassion to a human condition turned to almost pain and deep sadness merged together in my chest, I couldn't contain it.  I ran back to the room, crawled into my sleeping bag, closed the zipper to the very top, slid down inside the bag, curled in a ball on the bottom of it, and wept.

Walking in the forest in the retreat in the state of pure awareness, recalling in my being all the instances of the same state, 
what struck me the most, and didn't surprise me at all at the same time, that I was in fact, ageless.  

I was not 1 y.o, and not 5 y.o, not 30, and not 42.  I was ageless, unchanging space.  Lucid, transparent, holding everything and aware of everything, space.  There was continuity to “me” which never gets any older.  Almost as I was a silent witness of the movie in which a baby became a girl, and a girl became a young woman, and a young woman became a mature woman.  And in this movie there were various scenes, circumstances and events the female character participated, changing, growing up, maturing.  But I was not this character, not any of the instances of the character - not baby, not a girl, not a woman, I was a space for this movie, a screen on which the movie was projected.  As the movie run, the screen, the space that holds ever changing images, doesn't change.  This is who we are, and I experienced the continuity and never changing quality of that.  We are not getting any older.  We are ageless. We were never born, and will never die.  This realization of agelessness and our unchanging nature that I relay to you can’t be transmitted in words, though we always try, but you must experience it directly in your own being, and in your own unique way. 

The awareness of what is happening always here. It is always present, it is a ground for all the experience.  We just never notice it, we identified with the character we are, day after day, year after year, mistakenly investing our identity in the ever changing character.  


Look at the awareness itself,  point your attention to what is aware of this experience right now.  There is an experience, there are thoughts, feelings, seeing, hearing in the experience.  And there is awareness of the experience, awareness of the thoughts, feelings, seeing, hearing.  Look what is aware.  Turn your attention from the world in front of you to what is noticing, what is aware of the world.  If you find yourself in thinking, turn your attention to what is aware of thinking.  


Keep with your inquiry.  
And arrive to clear knowing of who you are, 
the natural state of being.
Eternally Ageless.




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Thursday, August 17, 2017

What is LU Direct Pointing and does it facilitate the end of the search?

I am one of the co-founders of Liberation Unleashed (LU), and in my own search I went beyond the LU inquiry, which we call Direct Pointing. In this article I want to share with you my findings in a small summary.

The goal of LU inquiry is seeing selflessness. Seeing no-self is in the heart of every path that aims for liberation from human suffering, we call it Enlightenment. Realizing no-self is an essential step on the path to liberation. We can be involved in a lot of practices, be on the path for very long time, but if we still hold an idea that we are the seeker itself, then all the practices we do is only reinforce the strength of this idea. This is why many become very serious in their role of the spiritual seeker, making the identity even more stronger, experiencing even more suffering. No wonder right before realization of no-self the level of fear and suffering raise tenfolds like the pressure raise in a pressure cooker on the flames of the stove! Seeing the selfless nature of being is a very major step, and we created Liberation Unleashed with that very intention: to point to selflessness with very effective method of Direct Pointing. It might be a first glimpse into our true nature, experience of awakening, or it might be more deeper realization in that process in some more mature aspirants, but the main purpose of LU inquiry is to point to no-self. LU inquiry is not really designed to stop all the further explorations that happens in us with release of the seeker identity. It actually facilitates it, it is a first step in a realization of our true nature. Catalytic step. Realizing selflessness is an essential step. We helped many from all walks of life and from all transitions and paths to see that in the middle of the experience of life there is no one who can be found to claim themselves as an owner of the experience, a maker of the experience. Our method is universally applied to any spiritual seeking path. This is not even "our method", we only translated the universal truth into the method of deduction and looking at life with different eyes.
Seeing no-self is a beginning of the deconstruction of the assumed identity and all that it involves itself in. There is no formula to further deconstruction of anything that is needed for this specific organism. As someone said, we all have very different stone that got into our shoe. We know that seeking for liberation stops when the liberation is found. For the true liberation the realization of empty nature of the self and also realization of the empty nature of the world phenomena has to happen simultaneously. Everything that we thought we are, we know, we see and we participate in - the world of phenomena, the world of objects, and the self has to vanish. FULL STOP. In that alive cognizance that is left the truth of being shines in it's fullness and totality. This realization is a clear recognition of who we are. It can happen in any way, in any spiritual tradition. The truth is one. Usually the LU inquiry lead to realization of the self only, and the other part has to be explored further. This is why big majority of LU members went to explore it in a group called Emptiness Teachings and Direct Path which Greg Good created to help with further deconstruction. Also there are other groups, like Buddhist 10 Fetters, all the Dzogchen groups of Jackson Peterson, and etc., some non-duality teachers we recommend, we have a list of such resources in LU. Please use them. LU points to who we are not - not a seeker, not a doer of the experience. It is an inquiry of refuting the self identity. This does not undermine LU inquiry, since we never claimed to lead to full realization, we point steadily through the years to realize emptiness of the self, and it is a big deal on the path of self realization. A beginning of exploration of who we are. Some of the methods, like "Who am I?" inquiry, Dzogchen Rigpa recognition, for example points to facilitate direct experience where it will be clearly revealed of who we are. It doesn't mean that at the end there will be created a label of who we are. Dissolution in this direct experience of clear recognition infuse the being with clear knowing. We use the linear language as communication, and some errors come from the limitation of the language. Everyone who tries to put in words the truth of being hit this limitation. But if any identity still firmly created by the mind, then more deconstruction is needed for subtle grasping. After LU direct pointing often people continue the exploration of who they are, since the old identity is not there anymore, and mind have a tendency to long for some identity. This is right movement of consciousness back into more clarification. Please do not feel as something wrong with you. By this time you should know that if you are not a doer, then it is not you who is continuing the search. But many heard that the main goal is not having any identity, and not seek anymore, and make a mistake at this stage that have some cost. Before we refute identity completely when we are mature in our being and most physiological and neurological processes harmonized, most of us, not having a solid ground without identity, fall into nihilism and many other isms. Continuing the search has not to be seen as a mistake and you supposed to not feel pressure that you are "not relaxed yet by this time", comparing your journey to others'. It simply points to more deconstruction that will arise through practice, inquiry, or life itself. It was my own experience too. LU direct pointing usually does not end the search. Unless the inquiry facilitates clear recognition of emptiness of the self AND emptiness of the world phenomena (aka objects, other people). Usually with pointing to no-self we have experience of awakening happen: recognition of selflessness, and still in the mind is a strong belief in the outside world of objects. There still be a question in the mind, verbal or non-verbal: "Who am I?", and it will be a driving force of the search, or we may call it, "further exploration", we just surrender to it. Realization of no self and realization of world phenomena as empty, as mind creation, instead of an objective world, is a must for the seeking energy to halt. The question of the search is answered in all encompassing totality in the state of realization itself by the very essence of the state. Question is closed after that.  You do not need to ask anymore anyone any question of who you are.  In 2012 I sat long silent retreat, mostly dark, with "Who Am I" living question that culminated with realization experience. I explored further, you have to understand, it's not anyone's choice. It was not my choice that "Who am I?" question became even bigger in me after realizing selflessness. The seeking will continue unless there is a final finding! And at the end of the search everyone come to the same realization: no self, no others, no world. It is ALL mind. God will show the face. And everyone come to this finding in their own way: through practice or no practice, saying yourself you still seeking or lying yourself you are not seeking, but subtly seeking anyways.
Then there is more living, mostly spontaneous inquiry, more questioning old beliefs, thoughts that still arise, old habits, and dismantling them one by one, or in the whole families of them as stories, by simply seeing their empty nature. The question who we are is closed already. We just fall into a dream state sometimes, wake up again sometimes. Harmonizing of all the systems going on, re-wiring of the brain, so no wonder we can't abide in a state of pure alive cognizance 24/7. God came here as a man, and at some point the recognition happened, but then back to life! We know who we are now, not the one who falls asleep, or the one who wakes up, but that which knows both, and we do not hold on to even that, whats the point?! With time we abide more in the being, in our true nature, enjoying the
character, instead of falling asleep in a dream where we deeply identified with a character. I call it integration of awakening. The label may not fit perfectly. Some call it falling, deepening, going further and so on. Who we are do not need any integration, but integration does happen through harmonizing the nervous system, making energetic adjustments, it happens spontaneously, just notice it.

I suggest anyone who pass through LU and still perceive that there are others out there and the world of objects is real, not to stop in LU groups for mostly intellectual discussions or sense of belonging, but really immerse yourself in a deeper inquiry and living life in an investigative way. Instead of hiding in groups, discussing selflessness, invite life to be your teacher and provide you with all necessary events and circumstances to facilitate a living practice of further inquiry. Use any method you resonate with. Don't stop on discussions, or an idea that you are done. Continue inquiry in any way which is more natural for you. LU direct pointing is absolutely precious valuable tool in dismantling the illusion of the self for those who are ready for it, and I am very happy that it continue to be a very important step to self realization for hundreds and thousands of people worldwide. Please use the structures and methods that we created, and also don't be afraid to look into other avenues to clarify further. With much love, Elena

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Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Heal yourself by being transparent


Heal yourself by being transparent. You do not need to be perfect, but childlike clear. Sometimes we don't even know that we are lying to ourselves, and usually its not a total lie, but a little bit of it, so we can feel alright with that, but that takes a toll on the energy, and eventually on a physical body. Be transparent. Be as you are, feel what you feel, and don't feel inadequate for that.. Acceptance of imperfection of our own character and appreciation of our uniqueness and transparency is freedom.

What is the fastest way to freedom? Not adjusting the character constantly, not making it better, but knowing our true nature, and living from it as much as possible. Sometimes we forget, but if we practice inquiry Who am I?, this is not merely a question, it is a living energy that keeps itself by momentum. It comes on the surface of the mind, even in the darkest night of the soul, it will land to our attention at some point. And we suddenly remember who we are, the truth of being. Don't scold yourself for forgetfulness, it's not your choice really. Just find yourself again and rejoice in the meeting.

What is our true nature? You know you exist. You know you perceive. Before anything, you are already. Otherwise how would you know? That space of being is our true nature. You are. I am. Already, by default. Here.  

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Monday, August 14, 2017

Intimacy

We forget what intimacy is.  Let me re-fraise, I forgot, you might very well know it.  So you can welcome me into it with your open arms.  Like my partner did, who held a space for me to be as I am until I broke all the armors.  I didn't know I have them, I suspected, but how you know what you are missing when you never knew it or completely forgot? You feel inadequacy.  You feel the fragmentation.  And thats what I felt.  I didn't know where it is coming from, this feeling of un-satisfaction, in spite of the clarity of the mind,  what is missing?  My heart was frozen in time, as life went, there were many times when it flash freeze again and again.

My son called me and said "Я тебя люблю!", "I love you" in Russian, and suddenly I felt this warmth I forgot, when I held him so close to my heart as a baby, when I kept hugging him as a child, and as pre-teen.  Last years were brutal, it was hard for me, was hard for him, but we re-united in the heart.  I was missing him, and he missed me, and there is nothing we could do, so we just kept going as we could, knowing we love each other anyways.

It happened simultaneously for us both, I don't know what his journey was, mine was as always though what G.I Gurdjieff, the great mystic of the 20th century, named "conscious labor, intentional suffering" - main ingredients of transformation of a man.  You stay with the pain, and you keep aware, don't settle for less: don't deny, don't hide, don't divert, don't lie to yourself.  Keep honesty, even if it is only within you, even if no-one supports or understands you, even if you are judged and misinterpreted. Please keep this spark of human conscience, it will lit the way back home.










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Monday, July 17, 2017

To be without explanations


Sometimes in life we have these very potent in their transformational quality, but intense, bizarre, unexplainable situations. Most of the times mind will try to analyze, explain, justify. Don’t listen, tell the mind it is ok for you to be without explanations. Then we also try to explain and justify for others to understand us. I will tell you, it never worked for me. The situation was created as a display of the deep mind conditioning. The details don't matter, but mind will try to pick some details and explain through them the whole situation. Never works. People get even more confused about you, and even more alienated from you. Just say it was a storm, a processing, an inner work, however you can name it, and that you leant a lot, and then leave it at that. Let them learn what they need to learn for themselves from the situation. This is more true and more compassionate to yourself and others.

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Sunday, July 16, 2017

Just do your work


The first dip into enlightenment, what we call awakening to our true nature, that experience is like starting chemical reaction. Without your participation it re-makes the whole being for years to come. At some point all the unprocessed emotions, attachments, identifications will come to the surface. This is very advanced stage on the path, don't be fooled by your ideas and anyone who expect you to be saintly. Those who done with this stage, see clearly where you are. They have much respect and compassion for your journey and offer unconditional acceptance. Those who don’t accept where you are at the moment, not ready for this work themselves yet, or cowardly. Leave those behind, let them be, and you be as you are. You know exactly what you are and what is your work at this moment. Just do your work.

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Monday, July 10, 2017

The Destructive nature of Awakening



With my brain re-wiring for many years after awakening (7 years in Sept 2017), my old life completely dissolved, there is nothing to hold on to for me anymore, everything from the past is gone, everything.  Every person, every environment from the past is gone.  I shed all I could, though it was not my choice.  

Given a choice, I would choose more gentle and kinder ways for myself, not stripping all to the bare bones. If you think you can control this process, I can assure you, it will be absolutely unexpected way unfolding for you every moment. We project how it should be and in what way.  It is an old thinking trying to secure the place in a journey forward with you, but it will be left behind anyways, you will be amazed how. All the suggestions from all the teachers in the world will not help you at that moment, you would have to face the destructive forces of the enlightenment by yourself, and there is no way to prepare for that.

 People will project on you all kinds of things: their ideas about you, where you stand, and what's going on, but it has nothing to do with you, and you will have to let go of that garbage too.  You would have to stand for your own way of being, in spite of their judgment, their own misunderstanding, that you at sensitive times will take as your own. You would have to drop that transference, and it will involve more judgment and more misunderstanding, but you will have to learn how not to listen to that, and continue to breathe. 

 There will be also body changes involved, sometimes sickness, misbalance, apathy, and you will have to ride with that too, you will learn complete humbleness.  You will be blind for sometimes where you are and where you are heading, and you will make steps in all kinds of directions, that will serve you well or not, but there is no way you can calculate the trajectory.  Sometimes it will seem like you went sideways, and there is no way out, but then you will find yourself breath with full lungs again. 


 You will see all kinds of writings about awakening and enlightenment, and they wont have to do anything with you at the moment you experiencing, please trust what you live, even if it looks like a total disaster, a crucifixion.  In trust you will get clues on your next move, even if it is only a slight move of going outside for a walk, or a fleeting insight descending as a lightning into your being. Even the slightest move changes the world we are completely.  Every moment is a birth of that world.  May we completely die each moment without a doubt, and be reborn in a next one a little closer to the majesty we are.  

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Friday, July 7, 2017

When Two Come Together Physically




When two come together physically in complete 
authentic intimacy, 
they arrive in the space of no thought, 
a space of total loss of the identity, 
the space of the beginning of it all, 
the peristalsis of being, where the world churns itself and
projects the lovers into existence.
Disappearing in that space every so often, 
even for a moment, 
facilitates the opening to an authenticity in a daily life. 

When one tasted and recognized completeness of one’s being, 
if they contract into the role in a life circumstance, 
they will feel inauthenticity in them in relationships 
with themselves and others. 
Noticing will be immediate.  
The role will be dropped on a dime, 
or one would decide to exit the circumstances, 
since being authentic might not be possible at the moment 
due to their own conditioned beliefs 
that are still in the mind, 
but inauthentic relationships 
are not an option anymore. 

Living in the world we constantly wear a role, 
some of them feels more natural, 
some more coarse and uncomfortable then the others,
some are more holistic, some more detrimental.
Even “an authentic being” is still a role, a character, 
though the least possible contrived character 
that consciousness got to wear 
to participate in the world.


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Friday, June 9, 2017

Wabi Sabi - Practicing The Beauty of Imperfection



Recording a video yesterday,  I suddenly started to talk about borsht - a beet soup from my country of birth.  Talking about it made me so joyful and light!  I felt first time how I actually enjoy my hardcore Russian accent!  25 years in this country, and my accent is still perfect! :) 

Someone asked me once: "How long you are in USA?", probably thinking: "She just arrived".  When I said: "25 years in New York City", instead of judgment that I expected, they got so impressed and exclaimed:  "How did you manage to preserve such a great accent!?" This really put me at ease, and I said: "I tried really hard!" 

I always were shy about my English, and my accent, and my Russian now, believe me, not better too! For some reason I am given this challenge in life: to be a writer, a speaker, a storyteller in my being, and having this imperfect tool to use! 

My friend reminded me today about an old Japanese art form -  Wabi Sabi - the way to embrace impermanence of this world and see the beauty of imperfection.  How wonderfully this applies to my verbal expression, how much more warmth it brings to my heart when I smile, remembering talking about borsht, and posting it to the whole world without fear!  I used to have fear of being ridiculed, rejected, not accepted, judged.  When I immigrated to USA from Russia, I used to feel dumb and not smart enough, even though I had an Engineering degree, only because I couldn't express myself in the clarity and precision my being always demanded from me.  

So today I am practicing  Wabi Sabi - seeing the beauty in imperfection.  It feels natural to love playful me. It feels very compassionate and generous.  It feels life-giving. I encourage anyone who still feel shy about anything in themselves that feels less then enough, drop that idea, and instead see the beauty of the uniqueness that is only you.  

Only you are with that birthmark on the cheek. Only you are with that special crackling voice.  Only you are without that tooth, and that one too.  Only you are with that accent that makes everyone smile and listen.  Only you have those interesting body proportions.  Only you got that life experience.  Only you can sing as you sing.  Only you can write as you write. Only you can love as you love.  Isn't it beautiful to be you?!  Let's practice Wabi Sabi and celebrate the uniqueness in each of us <3



The video I mention in this article is here: 
Elena's YouTube video on borsht :)


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Thursday, June 8, 2017

Life As a Teacher?


We hear so many times: "Life as a teacher".  
What does it really mean?
Why then we read books, listen to teachers in search for answers?

When we believe we are separate beings: 
here is me and there is the world,
then we believe that things happen To us, and we seek advice 
how to fix what is happening to us and around us.

If we are awake to Life,
we know "that over there" is a part of us.
We do not need to seek advice outside from our own perception.
The perfect teaching is right in front of us, including us.

We just learn to read the "Book of Life"
where words are perceived objects, people, characters,
and the sentences are circumstances, environment, relations.

We learn to read our own story,
which is exact representation of the mind state in the moment.
Have a question? That question is a part of the story,
and it will be answered. Just ask and be ready.

Have a worthy question, kick back, and SEE.
The answer is right in front of your eyes, don't miss it.
Abandon conceptual thought, even for a moment,
and SEE.

This answer will include full sensory experience at first,
keep looking. 
Have another question: 
"Who is the one who see"?

3D glasses might drop suddenly,
shuttering 
t h e   w h o l e 
w o r l d 
at once.

The End of Your Story.
























The YouTube version here: Life As a Teacher narrated by Elena

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Thursday, June 1, 2017

A Little Closer To Who You Are

I know my life is different from yours, the storyline, the movie, we all have different stories to live and tell here. 

Beautiful intricate stories, they all based on certain scenarios written by gods...just kidding.. I don't know really, I can speculate and present you very logical and believable version of what scenario is and how it was developed.  

Some of us so much in their roles, it is so seamless, "What you are talking about?! Thats totally me, and thats who I am!" Besides that all is a holographic image, and we are not even people we think we are, and the world we think we live in does not even exist, hahaha, besides that, even the roles we assume may be far from the most fitting, they are familiar and habitual, but they are foreign just as any dress on the body is not really a skin. 

What we do when we notice we are in an old role that doesn't feel right anymore? We get out, we take the mask off, we reject any attempt to put that mask back on us and put us back in the script. We now see the script, we see the role, we see the mask. We are confronted by everybody to get back to it: put it on, get in, be just like we want you to be.  

Fuck that. Be free. Step out. Doesn't matter what they think, what they say, its all one play - do not forget that, in a way its a scenario testing itself if it can run its usual course, or if its time to end - *poof *.  

This is a good time to kick back and just chill, no step forward, no step back...stay where you are, inhale deeply and FEEL. And Just Be. Thats enough. Thats actually perfect. BE. Don't be somebody, someone, a role, a character...just be...no name, no form, no reason. Just BE. Let life run its course. It will breath you. It will sustain you while you just BE. The role is finished. You can raise, breath, and start another one, little closer to who you are.





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Monday, May 1, 2017

Attention: Shit Train!


Did you ever hopped on a Shit Train?
You will know for sure if you have been there!
Remember, you woke up one day in a low mind state and you continued your day in the same state through all the different dealings and situations? You were on a Shit Train! 
Every sit on this train is a shit seat. You change carts, go from one situation to another,  
still it's the same train of negative thoughts, 
you are on the same train - 
Shit Train - 
Ta da! 
There is only one way out -  
is to exit shit train. 
The Shit Train 
like any hop-on hop-off sightseeing bus or train. There is no real destination, this train goes in a circle!  
As soon as you are on, you get to sightseeing the shit! 
One after the other. 
Don't get comfy.
Stop the train, 
even if it takes to press the emergency break 
or jump of the train by switching your attention 
to something that change the mind state.  
Do it as soon as you aware you are on, 
you got the ticket somewhere, 
and you are taken for a ride 
until you got enough of it, got it?
Can be a minute, or a day, or a lifetime....
Be aware where you sit and what you ride! 





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Sunday, April 30, 2017

Masks of Eternity


Eternity wears all kinds of masks: from anger to compassion. 
Mask of anger looks like a red tense face with fiery eyes, 
sharp sounds coming out of a wide open mouth... 
Mask of compassion has this porcelain quality of lucidity 
coming out from the face 
and shiny, penetrating eyes... 
Both of these masks, with all others
are on the wall of Eternity. 
Each used spontaneously, 
as a need arises.


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Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Mirage - something that appears real or possible but is not in fact so


We are fragmented.
What holds pieces together in space is tension.
If tensions is suddenly gone - we are too
But we have this illusionary idea of who we are
And when we hear we are gone, it means death to us.
We don’t want to hear anything really,
we just want to be fragmented as we are
and kept by tension, however it works - fine with us.
We just want to be alive.  
What if this is the greatest illusion of the humans
that we can actually die?
What we are so dearly holding onto is the illusion of “I”:
that "I" we see as a separate individual, and it has a name.
The brain holds the imaginary continuity of “me in time”.
The truth is we are alive no matter what.
We do not need to be in any particular way,
we do not need to have any particular name,
no any certain face.
We are alive because the miracle we are,
we are not the pieces - it is an illusion,
we are the space itself, the Being.
When tension that holds this illusion is gone,
we experience Oneness -the fullest experience of ourselves 
human beings are capable to know in this life.
We realize that we do not die. Ever. 
We never being born either.
The story or us will be written in a stone on a grave, 

but even that stone 
is a mirage.

Abstract Contemporary Art titled Humanity and Natures Gift by Todd Krasovetz

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Thursday, April 13, 2017

So you don't have fears?



So you don't have fears? Check if you live 
a sheltered life. 
Check if you step into unknown 
fairy often, 
or you keep everything at bay 
to feel safe.  
Check if you really push your boundaries, 
or you keep borders under control.  
Check if you are excited and inspired, 
or you go day by day with what you have, 
and you made yourself believe you are satisfied?  
Check. 
Fears are natural response of the human mind to unknown. 
If you say you don't have fears, 
you didn't really check if your life has an inspiring challenge, 
enough to bring up fears to dance with you.  
In fact, if you shelter yourself, then you have fears of the fear, 
and you allow that fear to stop your exploration in life.  
Start exploring now, 
anything outside your comfort zone you have built, 
and exploring fears too: 
recognize them, 
talk to them, 
befriend them, 
smile at them. 
They are my companions. 
They make me feel I am in front of a mystery. 
They make me focus and sharpen the inquiry. 
They even warm me up by raising my body temperature! 😀  
Make one step forward, cross the safe line, 
and enjoy 
the companionship of the fear!






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Born in June 2011 out of inspiration to share how to end life long spiritual search, drop the observer, and return back to naturalness we are.

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