Friday, June 9, 2017

Wabi Sabi - Practicing The Beauty of Imperfection



Recording a video yesterday,  I suddenly started to talk about borsht - a beet soup from my country of birth.  Talking about it made me so joyful and light!  I felt first time how I actually enjoy my hardcore Russian accent!  25 years in this country, and my accent is still perfect! :) 

Someone asked me once: "How long you are in USA?", probably thinking: "She just arrived".  When I said: "25 years in New York City", instead of judgment that I expected, they got so impressed and exclaimed:  "How did you manage to preserve such a great accent!?" This really put me at ease, and I said: "I tried really hard!" 

I always were shy about my English, and my accent, and my Russian now, believe me, not better too! For some reason I am given this challenge in life: to be a writer, a speaker, a storyteller in my being, and having this imperfect tool to use! 

My friend reminded me today about an old Japanese art form -  Wabi Sabi - the way to embrace impermanence of this world and see the beauty of imperfection.  How wonderfully this applies to my verbal expression, how much more warmth it brings to my heart when I smile, remembering talking about borsht, and posting it to the whole world without fear!  I used to have fear of being ridiculed, rejected, not accepted, judged.  When I immigrated to USA from Russia, I used to feel dumb and not smart enough, even though I had an Engineering degree, only because I couldn't express myself in the clarity and precision my being always demanded from me.  

So today I am practicing  Wabi Sabi - seeing the beauty in imperfection.  It feels natural to love playful me. It feels very compassionate and generous.  It feels life-giving. I encourage anyone who still feel shy about anything in themselves that feels less then enough, drop that idea, and instead see the beauty of the uniqueness that is only you.  

Only you are with that birthmark on the cheek. Only you are with that special crackling voice.  Only you are without that tooth, and that one too.  Only you are with that accent that makes everyone smile and listen.  Only you have those interesting body proportions.  Only you got that life experience.  Only you can sing as you sing.  Only you can write as you write. Only you can love as you love.  Isn't it beautiful to be you?!  Let's practice Wabi Sabi and celebrate the uniqueness in each of us <3



The video I mention in this article is here: 
Elena's YouTube video on borsht :)


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Thursday, June 8, 2017

Life As a Teacher?


We hear so many times: "Life as a teacher".  
What does it really mean?
Why then we read books, listen to teachers in search for answers?

When we believe we are separate beings: 
here is me and there is the world,
then we believe that things happen To us, and we seek advice 
how to fix what is happening to us and around us.

If we are awake to Life,
we know "that over there" is a part of us.
We do not need to seek advice outside from our own perception.
The perfect teaching is right in front of us, including us.

We just learn to read the "Book of Life"
where words are perceived objects, people, characters,
and the sentences are circumstances, environment, relations.

We learn to read our own story,
which is exact representation of the mind state in the moment.
Have a question? That question is a part of the story,
and it will be answered. Just ask and be ready.

Have a worthy question, kick back, and SEE.
The answer is right in front of your eyes, don't miss it.
Abandon conceptual thought, even for a moment,
and SEE.

This answer will include full sensory experience at first,
keep looking. 
Have another question: 
"Who is the one who see"?

3D glasses might drop suddenly,
shuttering 
t h e   w h o l e 
w o r l d 
at once.

The End of Your Story.
























The YouTube version here: Life As a Teacher narrated by Elena

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Thursday, June 1, 2017

A Little Closer To Who You Are

I know my life is different from yours, the storyline, the movie, we all have different stories to live and tell here. 

Beautiful intricate stories, they all based on certain scenarios written by gods...just kidding.. I don't know really, I can speculate and present you very logical and believable version of what scenario is and how it was developed.  

Some of us so much in their roles, it is so seamless, "What you are talking about?! Thats totally me, and thats who I am!" Besides that all is a holographic image, and we are not even people we think we are, and the world we think we live in does not even exist, hahaha, besides that, even the roles we assume may be far from the most fitting, they are familiar and habitual, but they are foreign just as any dress on the body is not really a skin. 

What we do when we notice we are in an old role that doesn't feel right anymore? We get out, we take the mask off, we reject any attempt to put that mask back on us and put us back in the script. We now see the script, we see the role, we see the mask. We are confronted by everybody to get back to it: put it on, get in, be just like we want you to be.  

Fuck that. Be free. Step out. Doesn't matter what they think, what they say, its all one play - do not forget that, in a way its a scenario testing itself if it can run its usual course, or if its time to end - *poof *.  

This is a good time to kick back and just chill, no step forward, no step back...stay where you are, inhale deeply and FEEL. And Just Be. Thats enough. Thats actually perfect. BE. Don't be somebody, someone, a role, a character...just be...no name, no form, no reason. Just BE. Let life run its course. It will breath you. It will sustain you while you just BE. The role is finished. You can raise, breath, and start another one, little closer to who you are.





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Monday, May 1, 2017

Attention: Shit Train!


Did you ever hopped on a Shit Train?
You will know for sure if you have been there!
Remember, you woke up one day in a low mind state and you continued your day in the same state through all the different dealings and situations? You were on a Shit Train! 
Every sit on this train is a shit seat. You change carts, go from one situation to another,  
still it's the same train of negative thoughts, 
you are on the same train - 
Shit Train - 
Ta da! 
There is only one way out -  
is to exit shit train. 
The Shit Train 
like any hop-on hop-off sightseeing bus or train. There is no real destination, this train goes in a circle!  
As soon as you are on, you get to sightseeing the shit! 
One after the other. 
Don't get comfy.
Stop the train, 
even if it takes to press the emergency break 
or jump of the train by switching your attention 
to something that change the mind state.  
Do it as soon as you aware you are on, 
you got the ticket somewhere, 
and you are taken for a ride 
until you got enough of it, got it?
Can be a minute, or a day, or a lifetime....
Be aware where you sit and what you ride! 





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Sunday, April 30, 2017

Masks of Eternity


Eternity wears all kinds of masks: from anger to compassion. 
Mask of anger looks like a red tense face with fiery eyes, 
sharp sounds coming out of a wide open mouth... 
Mask of compassion has this porcelain quality of lucidity 
coming out from the face 
and shiny, penetrating eyes... 
Both of these masks, with all others
are on the wall of Eternity. 
Each used spontaneously, 
as a need arises.


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Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Mirage - something that appears real or possible but is not in fact so


We are fragmented.
What holds pieces together in space is tension.
If tensions is suddenly gone - we are too
But we have this illusionary idea of who we are
And when we hear we are gone, it means death to us.
We don’t want to hear anything really,
we just want to be fragmented as we are
and kept by tension, however it works - fine with us.
We just want to be alive.  
What if this is the greatest illusion of the humans
that we can actually die?
What we are so dearly holding onto is the illusion of “I”:
that "I" we see as a separate individual, and it has a name.
The brain holds the imaginary continuity of “me in time”.
The truth is we are alive no matter what.
We do not need to be in any particular way,
we do not need to have any particular name,
no any certain face.
We are alive because the miracle we are,
we are not the pieces - it is an illusion,
we are the space itself, the Being.
When tension that holds this illusion is gone,
we experience Oneness -the fullest experience of ourselves 
human beings are capable to know in this life.
We realize that we do not die. Ever. 
We never being born either.
The story or us will be written in a stone on a grave, 

but even that stone 
is a mirage.

Abstract Contemporary Art titled Humanity and Natures Gift by Todd Krasovetz

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Thursday, April 13, 2017

So you don't have fears?



So you don't have fears? Check if you live 
a sheltered life. 
Check if you step into unknown 
fairy often, 
or you keep everything at bay 
to feel safe.  
Check if you really push your boundaries, 
or you keep borders under control.  
Check if you are excited and inspired, 
or you go day by day with what you have, 
and you made yourself believe you are satisfied?  
Check. 
Fears are natural response of the human mind to unknown. 
If you say you don't have fears, 
you didn't really check if your life has an inspiring challenge, 
enough to bring up fears to dance with you.  
In fact, if you shelter yourself, then you have fears of the fear, 
and you allow that fear to stop your exploration in life.  
Start exploring now, 
anything outside your comfort zone you have built, 
and exploring fears too: 
recognize them, 
talk to them, 
befriend them, 
smile at them. 
They are my companions. 
They make me feel I am in front of a mystery. 
They make me focus and sharpen the inquiry. 
They even warm me up by raising my body temperature! 😀  
Make one step forward, cross the safe line, 
and enjoy 
the companionship of the fear!






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Sunday, April 9, 2017

I find childhood brainwash very fascinating


I find childhood brainwash very fascinating. 
Its a hypnosis we carry through the life, lead by it 
in our choices. 
No amount of seeing selflessness will
eradicate brainwash, sorry to tell you guys, 
if you hope that awakening will fix your issues. 
But there are good news! 
Awakening will put you on the right track 
where you will be led to drop brainwash, 
come out of hypnosis. 
Awakening is coming out of the ultimate hypnosis, 
coming out of the illusion of being separate entity, 
an illusion of seeing yourself as a little human 
that runs around this world in suffering. 
Awakening acts as a catalyst to drop all the illusions, 
about you as a certain character too! 
Suddenly there is a courage and a curiosity to look 
where before was total wall of certainty and belief 
covering vulnerability and authenticity. 
Awakening will give permission to itself to drop 
everything untrue, 
and it can be your entire life structure that you built, 
the professional ladder you climb, 
things you thought you achieve and accomplished...
This all can start to fall, and it can be frightening. 
The only what I can suggest to you from my experience: 
it will be little easier on you if you be fascinated and curious with whatever happening, 
and keep trust, FAITH, that the hail does not fall from the sky forever! 😀





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Thursday, March 30, 2017

Stop Trying To Be Perfect



If you are waiting for “Perfect” to come and bestow itself on you,
please stop it now. 
Just write.
Just ride.
Just make.
Sing.
Teach.
Guide.
Create.
Just do it.
Announce yourself available without being perfect. Now.
Translated to Russian,
“perfect” is идеально.
Ideal.
It comes from the root “idea” -
a thought, a suggestion, a concept, a mental impression,
an opinion, a belief.
What is perfect is a concept. 
What is real is unique.
“Uni” is “One”.
You are the only one unique YOU here.

The Universe culminates in YOU in a unique way.
Sing your own unique song.
Dance your own unique dance.
Teach your own unique understanding.
Make your own unique love.
Create your own unique work.
Ride your own unique wave.
Show your own unique face.
Speak your own unique words.
Live your own unique life.
Forget perfection and ideal.
Relentlessly follow your unique brilliance.
Even if it blinds those who strive for illusory perfection,
one day they will hear their own song,
and they recall yours,
and love it.


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Sunday, March 26, 2017

A Journey to Wholeness


So many times we abandon ourselves 
and conform to others in fear to loose their love.  
No wonder we have low self esteem, 
because our view of who we are 
and what we really want 
depends on others, 
on their attention and their love.  
We conform, 
contort, 
shrink in, 
and abandon who we are, 
creating a hollow space in a heart that longs to be whole. 
We try to fill that space 
with other’s approval and attention. 
This can never be the same love we can give to ourselves. 
It is only a substitute, a surrogate, a thin film 
we cover the open hole in our heart with.  
It pops like a soap bubble as soon as we inhale 
in the next moment, 
leaving the wound open
 again 
and again. 
It can only be filled by authentic self-love, 
acceptance and appreciation 
from oneself to our 
own nature, 
our being, 
our unique character.  
Then we are whole again. 
We don’t ask for anything from outside of ourselves, 
we don’t have anything missing, 
we don’t chase anything to make us complete.  
Instead of constant reaching for approval and attention, 
love and appreciation from others,
we abide now in our own wholeness, and 
we offer this wholeness to others 
when we meet. 
This new way of meeting others in our wholeness 
is a true relation.

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Friday, March 24, 2017

Seeker on a Spiritual Path: Conquering Sexual Desire.


I am not a sex guru, but this article will be about sexuality and desire. I have written on this subject before, and here is a link to my article about my celibacy experience in a past:

Transformation of Sexual Energy and the value of Equanimity:
http://completehumanity.blogspot.com/2015/06/transformation-of-sexual-energy-and.html

Today I am not celibate, and I learnt a great deal about sexuality through my own experience of consummation.  This subject rarely comes up in the “serious spiritual circles”, unless it is the part of spirituality that many see as “not serious”, the part where Goddesses, yonies and lingams reside. 

Many in “serious spiritual circles” actually confused about sexuality and sensuality completely. In nonduality there is a lot of disassociation and nihilism going on, and anything that involve the body may seeing as “non existent”. At times we almost disassociate with the human we are, and spend time in juggling non-dual concepts, especially in the first several years after awakening to no-self, until life in some way shake us back into the whole.

When I sat retreats in a Goenka Vipasana center, most of the time I would sit through pain and discomfort, or some neutrality, very rarely I would experience pleasure, though I read many years ago that Buddha sat through a lot of pain in his early years of more torturous meditation training, but later on he was mostly working with pleasure: pleasurable mind states. Through numerous retreats, working with aversion to discomfort and pain, boredom, doubt, and all kinds of variations of mind states, I was always wondering how it would be to be sitting with pleasure continuously, how it would be not to give in to an attachment to pleasurable sensations.

This experience came to me not through the meditation practice, but come to me by meeting a lover.  Life passed by with some men come into my life and go, but I never came across a lover.  I never exactly knew what is that mean, to be with a lover. I knew how to be with a man, how to experience high of the sexual arousing, but being with a lover turned to be something completely different. 

In Buddhism there is a concept of fetters, chains, that hold us to be reborn in this world, and one of them is desire. Desire for anything to acquire, this include the most strong desire - the desire for sexual pleasure.  Being a dedicated vipassana meditation practitioner, I was “conquering” this fetter in my practice. And no, I was not suppressing the desire, I was watching it, allowing the sensation of passion fill in my being without acting on it, letting it arise naturally and subside. It would come up very strongly at first, especially in my first couple of retreats, filling me up with much heat and almost burning sensations through the body, but as time went by, the passion stopped to arise, and sexuality went to zero.  I became celibate naturally. 

Years later I found myself in Ecuador, in a rainforest, taking an ayahuasca brew, and watching the rise of the passion fill in my being, as it never left, birthing myself as a Lover.

That night my body that resided in the sexless state as though it was forever permanent, transformed into the moving wave of the ocean and the heat of the sun with the speed of the falling star! I went into the feeling wholeheartedly, giving myself to the medicine fully. 

The next day I was in shock. I was shocked by the fullness of the desire that was suddenly present. I was shocked how many years I sat through myriad of feelings in complete equanimity, certain that the desire vanished from me without a trace. I was shocked how quickly and fully it came back. I was shocked how foolish I was, thinking of the absolute absence of the sexual desire, thinking that the fetter had been conquered!

Fast forward several years, the old marriage behind, couple of relationships behind, here he was - the one who looked into my eyes, and we both recognized something bigger then us, something bigger then just interest, something bigger then the current life: “I am here”.

Coming together with the Lover is not an ordinary event, it is a Ceremony.  It creates itself. No special knowledge is necessary, no special techniques needs to be learned.  It is a thoughtless state of merging.  It is limitless in time. It is as beautiful and as raw as the Universe itself.  In the ceremony the only thought that cross the mind is “I can die now”. The experience, the feeling of completeness is almost overwhelming by it’s totality.  I would be sure I am having an experience of a lifetime, only to find myself in the ceremony again and again with the same thought: “I can die now”, and the ascension of Completeness.

I thought many times why I am given this gift continuously. One of such encounter will satisfy for a lifetime. I don’t know the answer, but my mind likes to speculate, and it made a story that it is sort of a practice: the opportunity to develop equanimity with pleasurable sensations and mind states, though it is more effortless noticing, being-ness, then an active practice.

Just like working with pain we skillfully yield to sensations, we allow them to express without pushing them away, the same with pleasure, we allow it to raise without holding on to it.  Equanimity with any mind state, with any sensation, leads to liberation. The sensation, allowed to be expressed to it’s fullness, disappears, leaving us as the boundless, limitless Awareness. Here we ARE - liberated from the limited idea and limited feeling of who we are.  The state of pure Awareness is free from pain and pleasure, free from attachment and aversion, free from fetters, and free from concepts. We can know then who we are, and rest. 

Conquering sexual desire is somewhat useless activity, maybe it is more Buddhist term “conquering” that does not ring for me anymore.  As seekers we wired to do something.  So we do it, until we don’t. Until we rest, we can practice equanimity, practice relaxation, practice awareness, practice concentration, practice letting go, practice allowing - there are many ways we can DO, and they are all legit. The only caution I have for us is not to loose the clarity that what we DO will not bring us to what we ARE.  Dropping what we do is the only way how we arrive to an experience of what we are. It happens spontaneously, effortlessly, suddenly, without our conscious participation.  When it happens we learn that WHAT WE ARE is ALWAYS HERE.  The seeking and trying to conquer stops. We ARE ALREADY FREE.



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Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Inner work is not personal!


The base

My stepfather was a military officer, and when I was 10 , we moved to live on a military compound in Eastern Germany.  The base was outside of a small town, and it had a store, a post office, a cinema, a bookstore, a volleyball court and a playground - just like a small village.  The only difference was in the people who populated this village. They were mostly men in uniform.  The compound housed about 7000 men. There were soldiers dressed in a green uniform with a special triangular little hat called a‘pilotka”, and officers with stripes and stars on their uniforms, showing their rank.

The military base was surrounded by a brick wall with two entrances where the guards would check documents before allowing entry. But we, as kids, ran through freely, back and forth between the base and outside. Most high-ranking  officer’s families lived in apartments just outside the base,  
The whole compound was surrounded by beautiful fields and a forest. We swam in the ice-cold crystal clear spring waters of the man-made lakes in the forest, that had been dug by Russian prisoners of war.  There was an abundance of granite in that area, and Nazi Germany used prisoners to excavate it.  The granite holes had over time filled with the spring waters, creating lakes almost 400 feet deep.  I remember jumping into the lake and feeling the fear of the immense depth under me. 

We learned in school that the depth of the Aral Sea in Russia is only about 50 feet.  It was called “sea” and it was on every map of Russia!  The comparison to these lakes I was swimming in made me feel that I was touching something very deep with my being. Yet, still I was a happy child - jumping into the lake and not thinking too much about it.  Only years later the depth of that childhood encounter was revealed to me in the complexity of the feelings I was carrying through my life.  

Twenty five years later, I found myself, with my husband at the time, in a retreat in Costa Rica with Pamela Wilson. We had both had an awakening prior to this retreat. For me it was through direct pointing and inner inquiry. For him it was after participating in series of Ayahuasca ceremonies in the jungle in Peru.  We both felt we needed some space to integrate the profound energies that were released through those experiences, and I came across Pamela’s retreat in Costa Rica. 

Pamela’s style of working with people was both very gentle and profound at the same time. She focused on allowing emotions to come up, and greeting them as friends who came to us to bring messages. Usually we are closed to such emotions, but if we see them as though they are friends that come to our house and knock on the door, we can be more at ease to open the door and let them in. If we do not shut our heart and switch our attention away from the feeling, but invite it to take a space in our home (our heart), the feeling will give the insight as to why it came to us.  Denying and suppressing such feelings can work for a time, but they will come back and knock on the door again and again, until they are invited, felt and released.

Pamela found this approach for herself, when she suddenly ‘woke up’ in one of the satsangs with her teacher Nilam. Nilam went traveling immediately after this, so Pamela couldn’t get help with myriad of feelings that were arising in her. One day she started to talk to them. She would invite them one by one to her “house” and ask them what they wanted.  She noticed that each feeling  had a message.  She would open to the message as though it were a gift.  Shutting the feelings down didn’t work for her anymore. There was no other choice but to open the door and accept the gift.  At that time my then husband and I were in a very similar situation.

We were in a serene retreat center in Costa Rica. Our circle of 12-15 participants gathered together day after day under the canopy outside in the forested area, and experienced the magic of talking to our own feelings, and having insights to the messages that were brought by them. 

There were two German couples in the retreat who had both lived for long time in Costa Rica. They had names in Sanskrit that translated as Peace, Bliss and Joy. There was tremendous intensity to their inquiry in them, though clearly they were not blissed out all the time. Thanks to their courage, I was able to sit in the space where much sorrow, guilt, shame and fear that they were experiencing, were invited into the open. I listened to the childhood stories of their  parents’ disconnection from feelings of guilt and shame about what happened in World War II. A generation later, the guilt and shame of those circumstances was still alive and was interfering with creative lives these people were trying to lead. They were musicians full of sorrow - deep sorrow that wasn’t really theirs.  

The inner work they were doing was very intimate and brave.  The rage, the anger, the fear - the most intense human emotions were welcomed. When they experienced relief, I would feel it in my being.  “Nothing less than a true alchemy”, I used to tell my husband of what I had experienced. And he agreed. 

And in that circle, for the first time I felt ashamed for “being an occupant”.  I felt the guilt of living on that land, uninvited. I also felt compassion for the Russian prisoners digging that granite in the forest, crying silently at the bottom of that hole that would eventually be filled by nature with spring water, in which I would later jump as an innocent child. Being present in the same circle with Germans who were processing their feelings about the war, made me notice the whole gamut of mixed feelings about German-Russian relation I carried. No wonder I had avoided Germans all my life since childhood, and had felt such unease in their presence. No wonder I had felt so disconnected from any relations with them.

A couple of years later I received an email from a woman who asked me to guide her in inquiry to see ‘self-less-ness’.  She said her name was Tina, and that she was from East Germany living abroad. I worked with her, using direct pointing for several days until the veil of the illusion of the separate self was dropped, and she relaxed into her true human nature.  The moment of seeing clearly one’s true nature is a magical moment. In the space of our true being anything is welcome, and everything is a gift.  As we both abided in that space, even though we were hundreds of miles apart,  I felt an upwelling of love - love that was not personal, not aimed at anyone. It felt like an expansion of wellbeing and peace in my being.  

Suddenly the memories of my childhood flooded into this expansion.  I saw Russian prisoners in disintegrating clothes, exhausted, digging the dirt around granite rocks. I saw them tying ropes to the lifting mechanism I had once seen in a history book, and pulling granit rocks with their last bit of strength. I suddenly remembered unspoken tension in the little town where our base was located.

The German government had organized special get-togethers they called “Druzhba”. Druzhbas are translated as “friendship” in Russian, and involved Germans from the nearby towns and us Russians from the base having fun playing together, and exchanging gifts and smiles. But still the tension outside of these artificial gatherings was palpable.  Going to town wasn’t always fun.  Sometimes we, children, would be splashed with dirty water from a window on a high floor above us.  Or we would be called “Svinya, sobaka”, meaning ‘pig’ and ‘dog’ in Russian, the worst insult that German kids could create as they tried to ease their feeling of confusion brought by Soviet military presence there.  


At the same time, I remember my childhood years there as one of the happiest times of my life - running freely and safely, as though I was in my little town back in Ukraine. I can recall the face of my stepfather, dirty from diesel and shining in bliss; he rode on the top of the T80 tank, covered with flowers thrown by the onlookers - returning to the base after the annual maneuvers of militaries of several Socialist countries. I remember how proud I was of my stepfather being on the second tank, just after the first tank of the base commander’s. 

All the gamut of feelings - happy memories, compassion, shame, guilt, pride, injustice - arose in that space with Tina right after her awakening.  They came up suddenly in that space between us, the space of joy of dropping the illusion of separation. They merged and turned into the pure feeling of compassion almost immediately.  In that compassion we all, Germans and Russians through all ages, became one. I wrote back to her, thanking her for inquiry with me, which resulted in her waking up from the illusion of separation, and me having an experience of emotional alchemy.  We exchanged precious gifts through this work together, freeing some of the tension of the Unity Consciousness.

There are no individual feelings and emotions, just as there are no separate individuals living, no spiritual practices and no inquiries leading to this revelation.  Feelings are the energies of Unity Consciousness that arise in it like waves in an ocean. As there are ripples through the whole ocean from only one wave, even if it is invisible, so too there are ripples of release in the ocean of consciousness even if there is a relief experienced only in one individual mind.  As there is no wave that exists separate from the ocean, there is no feeling that exists separate from consciousness.  The work of releasing mind tensions, contractions, strong beliefs, and stuck feelings which do not serve in a positive way, is an alchemical work and has a direct effect on humanity.  Please never underestimate the inner work of one human being. The potency of this work is unfathomable. 

My inner work continued some years later in another circle.  I was in a Family Constellation workshop lead by Judith Hemming, a very masterful facilitator from England.  The workshop was held in Esalen Institute in Big Sur, CA. As Judith was one of the best in the field of Family Constellations, Esalen encouraged their staff to attend this powerful work.  Half of the participants were Esalen staff members.  

There was a gentle woman there, an Esalen massage therapist, who asked to facilitate her issue.  The constellation produced a very strong effect on me.  The woman was living with shame about her uncle who served in Nazi Germany as an SS officer. On a personal level this shame manifested as keeping herself quite, having doubts of her self-worth and avoiding any confrontations. Keeping herself small and invisible held her back in her personal and professional life. As the scene from Nazi Germany unfolded in a circle with people embodying and playing the characters, she asked me to step into the circle and play one of the characters in her story.  

Suddenly I was there. In Germany. I was German. I stood next to her SS uncle. I felt I was related to him, and I knew he was a human being living his life as he thought was right. I felt how precious he was to me - how precious he was as a human, just like any of us.  At the end of the work we all held each other. I was surrounded by “Germans”, and we all held each other close. The feeling of compassion I felt to the people who were in the war, to those who were born after and felt the residue of it, and to the whole humanity, was overwhelming.  


I was wearing traditional Russian scarf on my shoulders, and was held by “Germans” in warmth and care. I held them in love that was radiating from each pore of my being.  The love overflowed me and the whole constellation of people collapsed for a second in front of my own eyes into the pure light. Stories of separation, of what was perceived as bad and shameful, faded into light. The feeling of wellbeing sprang from within the human heart, and changed the field of consciousness forever. 

My mama on the lake in 1980

I returned to the place of my childhood in East Germany 25 years later, in 2004. I walked the path as I knew exactly where to go… And here it was - crystal clear lake surrounded by the lush forest.  I had to jump in it, in spite of the fear of the deep waters! Later we used this image in Liberation Unleashed poster. 

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Born in June 2011 out of inspiration to share how to end life long spiritual search, drop the observer, and return back to naturalness we are.

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